I have been on the field, in Africa, now for almost 6 months and have served almost 8 towards my two year term. Time has simply flown. However, I won’t be too cheesy or cliché to say “time flies when you’re having fun”. Not to say that I haven’t had fun over the past 6 months, but the one lesson I have learned just recently is that life as I once knew it will never be the same. Life at home in Kentucky will never be the same. My family, friends, church, and even my home town will never be quite the same. Cousins will have grown taller as well as older and Aunts and Uncles will have aged, but ever gracefully. Several friends will have gotten married, started families, and my adopted nieces and nephews will have grown up and I will have missed those moments I most cherished. However, pictures are wonderful and a blessing which I keep around my home as reminders. Yet not seeing it with my own two eyes, feeling the hugs, or joy of cheering one of them on at a game will ever be missed. All these are givens of course, but the one which seems to be the hardest to accept is my church family changing. My church back in Kentucky has become my second home and somewhere I can really be me. These are the people, who know me best yet it too will never be the same as I left it. The Sunday school class which I taught for 3 years will never have the same students. When I return home they will head into their freshman year of high school. The place where I sat in church will be occupied by someone else. The youth that hung out with will be heading to college. I, too, though will have changed just the same. Yet the life of the missionary is constant change. I wish that life on the other side of the planet would just freeze because I don’t necessarily feel as if I have been gone for 6 months nor do I feel as if I am on another continent, well at least on most days. I feel as if I am only on the west coast of the US instead of the east coast, not true though.

The changes however it’s all beginning to sink in just now. I feel as the first few months were just practice or vacation. The Lord has been working to ever remind me that my life will not only ever be the different, I will be different, but he too will never be the same to me either. Over the past months the Lord has been stripping me of whatever else I was clinging to instead of him. Relationships have been taken away or changed; changes have been made in ways back in Kentucky that I couldn’t help if I were in the states. However, at times I feel as if it would be just easier to accept if I were there. I have been overwhelmed by the midst of change over the month and this week it all began to hit home.

In the early morning today I awoke to any itchy place on my hand and in the midst of my sleep/wake I grabbed the hydrocortisone cream and then fell back to sleep. So when I did finally wake I went into the bath room looked in the mirror after reaching for the glasses and I see 2 large, red swollen places on my face; one on my left eyelid and other on my right cheek bone. I thought, “Oh no, Lord! What am I Job?! I look like Quasimodo from the Hunchback of Norte Dame.” I quickly reached for hydrocortisone cream once again, this time putting it on my face. Then I went into the kitchen to put ice on them when the phone rang. It was Monica, my supervisor’s wife, and when I told here about the bits she told me I should probably go to the clinic to see the doctor. Of course I didn’t want to go but after talking to one our nurse friends here in Mbabane I decided to go. Only to hear from the doctor that it really didn’t seem to be anything serious and to just continue with the hydrocortisone cream along with anti-histamine. I was disappointed since first of all I had missed out on going to set up a new bible study with Kimber. Second of all we were having a farewell get to together for Kristen, one of my friends which was moving back to the states, that evening and by no means did I want my picture being taken looking like Quasimodo. 

None the less when six o’clock rolled around I was ready in my smartest casual wear, for what I have here in Africa, to enjoy a nice evening out with lots of girlfriends. At first I was worried about the picture, but as the night went on I just laughed and had more and more fun. There were 13 of us in all and we had the most amazing time laughing and chatting the night away. Before we knew it, it was 10:30 pm. I honestly can say that I believe tonight was one of the best times I have in Swaziland thus far. The Lord has blessed me with amazing ex-pats and missionary friends. A recent friendship with Lauren, which developed only a week ago, has been such a blessing. Words can not describe it. Tonight it was nice to just through my head back and just cackle. I spent $20 on my meal, drink, dessert, and tip but oh how it was worth it!

This morning I had prayed and asked the Lord to restore and renew my spirit, which he did tonight. This past week has been one of the roughest thus far. The Lord has just been teaching me so much about myself and refining me ever the more. I felt as if Paul did “for I do those things which I do not want to do”. I cried out, “Lord, I am so tried of feeling sorry and miserable. I just want to feel happiness again in our relationship.”  On the way home from the restaurant I was thinking, “Oh, I’d to love call and tell… about tonight”, but then I felt the same nudge reminding me, “No, no. Come to me first not just in hard times but in good times as well. I want to share with you in your sorrows as well as your joys.”

I believe part of this whole week as well as the past month has in part been to teach me just that, to come to Jesus first. Come to Him when I am overjoyed with the blessings or when my heart is broken and I am crying out to Him for comfort. Either way he wants to be a part of them. He doesn’t desire me for me to run to others and unload, but to Him alone. He is to be first and foremost the most important person in my life. If I do not love Him first then how can I love anyone else? I mean I can love someone, but not fully. For neither can we fully understand love till we openly accept it. I know this is not a new concept for even myself, but like I said about trust it has to be one of those lessons you personally experience for it to truly take root.

With all of these changes the Lord has also been revealing to me that each sacrifice should not be viewed as a hardship or test of character as with Abraham, but rather as an act of worship as Mary did when she broke her alabaster box to anoint Him with oil and to clean His feet with her tears. My desire is not to look at the next 16 months or so as a sacrifice, but rather as a simple act of worship to a great and mighty King who offered me so much yet required so little in return. Yes, change is hard and never something we desire…at least I don’t, but God’s love is always there, He is always there for me. He is never failing.